The Short-Shorts of Samus Aran
by My Gender is Armin Arlert
Summary: Samus has a new outfit thanks to Peach. Chaos ensues. Weirdness happens. Mario tries to kill everyone. I'm not even sure anymore.


**Well, I just want to say I'd pretty much written this crap after seeing today's POTD. I like the outfit, but holy hell when I read the comments…this, this damn story was the first thing to come to mind. So I came up with this strange, OOC crap. Uh, enjoy…**

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Princess Peach Toadstool has found an effective way to embarrass Samus Aran yet again.

The bounty hunter stood in front of her fellow Smashers, her face a deep red and her fists clenched into a ball. She was wearing a blue top that showed off her slim, bare midriff. The shorts she wore matched in color and showed off her legs perfectly. Peach chose the outfit herself, claiming that people would love seeing her in a crop top and shorts. "People love makeovers, Samus!" she'd claimed. "You'll be loved so much, everyone will want to dress like you!"

Oh, how they loved it alright.

Most of her fellow male Smashers couldn't take their perverted eyes off of her. After all, who would've thought that Samus Aran would allow Peach to talk her into wearing such an outfit? If any of them had suggested Samus wear such a thing, they would have had an early meeting with Death himself. Some people, like Marth and Chrom, were much more respectful and didn't ogle the busty Samus like a dog in heat, though they couldn't help but blush a little.

Hell, even Kirby wanted to see how round her butt was in those shorts.

The female Smashers were no better. Most became stricken with envy. Princesses scoffed, saying she was providing "nothing more than fanservice", and that Peach should be ashamed of herself for allowing Samus to look slutty. There were few people that supported Samus's supposed goal of "embracing her femininity", when it actuality, the poor bounty hunter was just being a Barbie doll for the fashionista peachy princess.

"Personally, I believe Samus doesn't look that sexy," Palutena stated, being the first to break the awkward silence. Samus shot her a glare, causing the divine goddess to explain her statement.

"I don't mean you look ugly, dear, heh heh! I just mean, uh…"

"She just means you look okay, but not spectacular like other ladies who would wear the same outfit! Right, Lady Palutena?"

Palutena sighed and facepalmed, reminding herself to take away Pit's ability to speak. The angel chuckled nervously as he quickly realized what he said was wrong. He backed away slowly, not daring to look at Samus, and hid behind his goddess.

"Oh, c'mon, guys," Peach exclaimed, "I worked hard trying to pick an outfit for Samus! I think she looks so lovely. Heck, I might even wear it myself!"

Boys dropped like flies, their noses bleeding profusely due to their dirty thoughts of both Princess Peach and Samus. Mario started kicking the downed Smashers, threatening to set them on fire if they don't stop thinking of "his Peach" like that. Peach chuckled, knowing full well of the shitstorm she has unfortunately produced. Samus continued to stand there, annoyed even further at the godforsaken antics that was taking place in front of her.

_"This would have never happened if she hadn't dressed me like those anorexic Barbie dolls,_" Samus thought, ducking to dodge one of Mario's fireballs. Who knew that a short, fat plumber could be so violent? _"I won't be surprise if everyone ends up dead by dinnertime. Ah, I wonder what we're having for dinner anyway..."_

"Samus!"

Samus glanced to see Marth, Palutena, and Chrom carefully step over the corpse-like bodies. Upon closer inspection, she could see that the ends of Palutena's long green hair was singed; Chrom was missing a boot, and Marth's cape was on fire. She wasn't too sure on whether or not to inform Marth of that small problem, as it seemed like him nor anyone else cared.

"I see that you guys have survived the fiery hell that Mario has dragged us into," the bounty hunter said once the trio stood in front of her. At this point, some of the once-fallen Smashers had awakened and were now trying to restrain Mario, with very little success. Others decided to add fuel to the fire by fighting Mario and, eventually, each other.

It made Samus wonder why she continues to return to these tournaments.

"Peach created an opening for us to escape. She wanted us to talk to you," Marth replied. Samus tried her best to ignore the smoke that was rising from the Hero-King's clothing.

Samus crossed her arms. "I didn't ask to look like this, ya know. One moment, I'm in a meeting with Master Hand about the new lunches; the next, Peach is dragging me into the largest damn walk-in closet I have ever seen!"

"New lunches?" Chrom asked. "What kind of new lunches?"

"I heard that we're going to finally have pepperoni pizza now!" Marth said, sounding like an excitable young boy.

Palutena snapped her fingers in front of the royal boys. "Back on topic, ladies." The goddess turned to Samus. "You know, you don't have to dress like that."

"Yeah," Chrom agreed, nodding his head, "there's no need to get all of the men good and excited for no god reason."

Palutena and Samus groaned. Marth looked at Chrom and shook his head in disbelief. "You know, Chrom, Lucina and Robin was right: you are quite the idiot when it comes to women. How am I related to you again?"

"You know what, Marth? That _is _a very good question," Chrom retorted. "After all, I can't believe I'm related to the dumbass who can't realize his cape is on fire."

Marth looked at him strangely. He turned slightly to see that, indeed, his cape was on fire.

"If you do not mind, Samus, I must go run and flail in terror."

Samus nodded. "Go ahead, I don't mind."

The Hero-King ran screaming, pleading for someone to help him. He tripped over Snake's still-unconscious body, much to Chrom's amusement. Palutena moved closer to Samus, deciding that standing next to Chrom any longer will cause her to use some "divine intervention" on the Exalt.

"Once again, Samus, you don't have to wear that."

"Yeah, but – "

"'Sup, dirtbags."

The goddess screamed in anger, annoyed that she couldn't have a simple conversation with the bounty hunter. She grabbed Samus' gun, getting ready to pull a Mario. "I swear, if someone else says one more damn...thing...?"

The chaos stopped as everyone turned to see Ganondorf walk into the room with long, spiky red hair. Everyone dropped their weapons, and the people who were once knocked out quickly opened their eyes to witness the Demon King's voluminous hair. Even Marth, whose cape had completely disintegrated and curled into a ball as a result, gasped at the Gerudo's new hairstyle.

"My Gods," he exclaimed, "Ganondorf…what, what happened?"

"Life happened," he replied with a smirk on his face. "Besides, I should be asking that question. It looks like somebody let out a Subspace Bomb in here. …Who the hell started a war without me?"

"I did!" Mario said, punching his restrainers in the gut and running to Ganondorf. He touched the Gerudo's hair, only to be surprised at how wonderful and soft it felt. Everyone else followed suit, wanting to touch and compliment his hair and leaving Samus and Palutena behind.

"Holy wow!" Peach exclaimed, obviously impressed, "how did you get it like this?"

"It's called wanting to be a stereotypical anime male and using _tons _of Hylian hair gel." Ganondorf whipped his hair around, knocking a few Smashers to the floor. "Yes, I know, I look like a god," he stated smugly.

Samus and Palutena stared in shock and awe at the group who gathered around Ganondorf like little fanboys and fangirls.

"So," Palutena started, sounding exasperated, "are you going to change back into your regular clothes now, seeing as how everyone's having fangasms over Ganon."

Samus shook her head, smiling. "You know, Palutena, I think I like this outfit now. It's not pretty bad, once you think about it." Samus placed her hands on her hips. "In matter of fact, I will be wearing this outfit everyday from now on!"

Palutena stared at Samus with a blank expression before walking away, deciding this tournament wasn't worth it anymore.


End file.
